It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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