How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
