Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
