I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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