??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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