you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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