can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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