I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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