Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
