I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
BRING THE BAGELS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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