the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
