i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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