But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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