Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize