This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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