Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
