I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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