i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
