I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
