Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
