i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
