even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
