Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
