Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
