Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
