I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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