Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
