doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
