how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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