You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
