i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
