Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
