the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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