you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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