i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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