did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
