I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
