You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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