I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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