By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
