we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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