Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
