Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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