If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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