My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
