Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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