Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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