I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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