I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
