Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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