the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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