I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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