i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
