my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
