The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize