If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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