when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
