Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
