He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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