Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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