Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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