I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize